D N Angel Sample Needed
by 0010111101011100
Summary: Dr. Niwa, Nurse Mousy, CEO Satoshi, and Secretary Krad. Hilarity and insanity ensue. A response to a request. Yaoi, various pairings, M for later chapters.
1. Prologue

DN Angel Sample Needed:

Disclaimer: I do not own the DN Angel characters or story.

Synopsis: Doctor Daisuke Niwa(24). Nurse Dark Mousy(27). Executive CEO Satoshi Hiwatari/Hikari(24). Secretary Krad(27). A recipe for madness and perversity. Yaoi, AU, various pairings

The blunette CEO stared at the plastic cup held in front of his face by a violet-haired nurse; and after a few moments of processing…He needed it explained again. Satoshi glared at the laminated ID card pinned to the nurse's coat and frowned with apparent distaste at the situation. "Nurse Mousy…You want me to do _what _exactly?"

Up until now, the young Executive CEO of Hiwatari International Electronics didn't think his day could get any worse…But he was wrong…So very wrong…

Earlier…

As per usual, Satoshi awoke in a daze and stared at his ceiling for a good half of an hour before his mind started to work. He couldn't decide which he hated more; his low blood pressure, or the annoying alarm clock that was blaring high-pitched chirps into his head. Realizing that he could now think clearly, he slammed his hand down on the alarm so hard that the word "SNOOZE" was left imprinted on his hand. He cussed mentally as he got out of bed and started stomping around his room, and when he kicked the mahogany bureau, he started to curse verbally. Yes, he could tell that this was the beginning of a bad day.

Satoshi POV Begin

I already love today. My blood pressure prevented me from shutting off that damned alarm clock that so _cheerfully _woke me from my slumber with an incessant electronic screech. …An alarm clock that doesn't annoy you to hell or scare you to death… I'll have Development and Testing of the Home Appliances Department research that. After I shrugged on my bathrobe and stepped into my house slippers, I made my way out of my bedroom that is larger than some houses. I inherited all of this extravagant crap and headache of a business from my father. The bastard is dead, so all of this is mine. Although I do agree that all of my wealth was just handed to me, don't consider me an inbred slacker. I acquired my MBA at the young age of fourteen in America. I imagine it was quite awkward to see a prepubescent ten-year-old achieve top marks at some prestigious school called Yale. Kei died when I was seventeen; I took control of his stocks as well as the corporation and made it 82 more profitable in my first three years. Four years later, my company's profits are still rising.

…And now I just reminded myself of an unavoidable obstacle today… We are launching a new ad campaign and the Board of Directors hired…Saga Entertainment. Which means I will have to meet with the head of Saga Entertainment and his little manslave. I will discuss business while he spouts random dribble. I detest him… People that cheerful need to cut down on their drug intake, recreational or medicinal. After I have outlined the fine details, which only his secretary will remember or understand, he will demand that I model for him, then I will refuse, he will pout, and then he will suggest some insane activity, followed by a trip to a strip club. More specifically, a gay strip club.

Ah, I've made it to my kitchen. I've attracted a swarm of servants…And they're all asking questions. I nod dumbly to their questions, it's too damn early to think for me. The chef looked at me funny; he must have asked what I wanted to eat. In a blur of swirling fabrics, I find myself seated on a chair in a jet black suit and red tie. I don't wear those designer suits, my father's tailor is always on duty. I also find myself with my signature glasses and in a pair of squeaky black shoes. A fresh croissant and butter is placed in front of me with accompanying glasses of water and orange juice. I do admit that the servants annoy me to no end, but at least they know what I want.

My wristwatch says that it's time to go, so I head out towards my limousine and have all doors I encounter open for me. They're not automatic, but I do still retain my father's door servants… You must ask that if they annoy me so much, why don't I fire them? Well, I tried to, but they broke into tears. They are very overly dramatic, but when people are clutching your pants and sobbing about being homeless, even I have to give in. But it does make some sense… They do live on site and get paid rather well… But I made the guy that used to carry Kei around the mansion part of the gardening team. I'm pretty sure Kei also had someone to wipe his ass for him, but I haven't seen anyone with the job title of "Asswiper" on the pay sheets.

Time flies when you're bitching about your adoptive, deceased, bastard of a father… I'm already in the elevator to the top floor… When did I get into my limo, get out, and walk inside the skyscraper? I walk into the huge lobby that leads to my office and…find it surprisingly noisy. …Ah, they're doing the morning aerobics. That must be why I wasn't assaulted with brownnosers. A sigh escaped my lips as I see my secretary coming toward me. He's going to tell me 'That Saga retard blanked blank blank blank.' "That Saga retard spilled coffee on himself…And then took off his pants because he didn't want to embarrass himself with the stain." Well, I got the first sentence correct. My blonde-bimbo of a secretary, continues… "He's waiting in your office. Just please hurry up and meet with him before he decides to relieve himself on the potted plants." And he walks away… Great, I have to face Saga and manslave Funabashi all by my self… Off topic for a minute… What is Krad's last name? Does he not have one? Is he like Madonna or Cher? Oh well, another mystery of the Universe, I suppose.

I take a deep breathe as I swing the doors open to my personal office. Instead of the formal bowing and exchanging of business cards, I am tackled and hugged by none other than Keiji Saga. …And my nose is assaulted by a foul odor of cologne. Too many types of expensive cologne mixed together smell worse than cheap cologne. I'll have to have my office deodorized… "Satoshi! Long time no see!" I glare at him in return…At least he's wearing underwear… "What? Not happy to be doing business with me again?" Nope, not at all. "Okay, in exchange for advertising your new product, I want you to model for me again! That's all!" Keyword: again. "I won't take any royalties or forms of monetary payment. Just think of it as a personal favor from me to you! And one good turn deserves another!" I free your slave? "You must model for me!" Damn. And I thought I could free a slave today.

…He's staring at me. Oh, it's because I've been quiet during his gibberish. I sit at the table and motion for him to sit as well…Here goes nothing. "That sounds like a fair offer, but allow me to make a more reasonable counter-offer. In exchange for your company's services, I would like to offer you…" I scribble a number down on a piece of paper and slide it toward the manslave, who passes it to Saga, who then scribbles something and slides it directly to me. …He crossed out my offer and wrote, 'I'm bored.' He has ADD, I'm sure of it. "Well, our product is sure to revolutionize every part of the modern world, from medicine to gaming and we would like to hire the best possible choice to produce our commercial and media releases. The direct stimulation of nerves in the brain creates highly realistic feelings, ranging from being tickled to being shot by a bullet. Of course, all sensations are virtual and not dangerous. So if adapted for various video games, the user could feel pain but not die. Also, we have inquiries from the medical industry, asking if it can be adopted for surgeons that are many miles away for remote surgery. …Mr. Saga, are you listening?"

He rolls his eyes at me and moves his hand in a talking motion. "Just tell me where to sign so we can go celebrate." Wow, it usually takes three hours for me to convince him to sign without me agreeing to a photo shoot. I produce a set of papers from my briefcase and point to several lines. …I wasn't even aware I was carrying a briefcase.

I am jerked from my thoughts as a hear a ripping sound echoes through the room. …He just ripped the entire contract in half… He's actually pretty strong…Or the high grade paper I print on is actually crap. He's grinning, that's not a good sign. "Tell ya what. We'll have a contest." Who can kill who first? "Let's see who is in best shape." Ah, so it _is_ a fight to the death. "Let's go to a hospital and have full examinations of each other's health. Whoever is the healthiest overall, gets to make the contract! That is my final offer. Deal?" Well, considering that you have serious mental issues and are on a good deal of drugs, I don't really see how I can lose. I give a silent nod and feel myself getting pulled at a great speed.

Satoshi POV End

After the blur of blonde, cerulean, and black burst out of the office, Krad looked up just in time to be swept along with the current. Only when the four reached the elevator did the blunette and the golden blonde realize what was happening. Krad has done this type of thing long enough to know that it was neither possible nor wise to refuse the whims of Keiji Saga, so he just straightened out his suit and cleared his throat. "Is this a celebration or a challenge? It's very early, still… You were only in there for half an hour." He frowns down and Keiji and adverts his eyes. "And does Mr. Saga have no extra pants?"

Satoshi stared at his reflection in the gold plated walls of the elevator as it descended. His emotionless mask, Krad's constant look of annoyance, Keiji Saga's drug-induced euphoric stupor, and manslave Funabashi's face of boredom. Yes, it was truly an interesting group. As soon as the doors opened, Keiji flew out of the building into his white limousine, with Krad and Satoshi in tow and Funabashi not far behind; meanwhile, Keiji was describing his contest in great detail.

Once inside the limo, they broke a few dozen traffic laws and outran the police…twice. It only took about two minutes to reach the hospital at their speed. Yet even in that short amount of time, Krad had threatened to kill the Head of Saga Entertainment twice, and said Head of Saga Entertainment had managed to rip out a clump of golden hair.

They were finally at the hospital. After a grueling four hour wait because they had no appointment, several attempts to bribe the staff to move them ahead of the guy with a broken arm, and a situation that led to Keiji Saga being restrained with a straightjacket and muzzle, they were finally admitted to their side-by-side rooms. They were tended to by a high-strung doctor by the name of Daisuke Niwa and a naughty nurse by the name of Dark Mousy. They started out with full physicals. The first test…was a urine test…

AN: Yes, boring. This was a request by an unknown person. If this story does poorly, I will delete it.


	2. Testing Patients, Trying Patience

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I do not own DN Angel.

AN: I do not write lemons. My girlfriend did those. She also confessed to being the one to request this story. I considered pulling the story, but she hit me on the back of the head with a newspaper and said that since I have readers, I'm devoted to you all now. I'll let her type her own note…

AGFN: It'sa me! The AGF! Agf? What kind of name is that? Well, anyways. You'll have to excuse my boyfriend. He's just not used to writing yaoi or any form of romance. He's more into writing gore, death, and other morbid stuff. (He's a Gantz fan, bleh!) Plus he's a guy and somehow thinks writing yaoi make him less than a man. This is his first yaoi, so be nice! Anyways, yeah. I'm writing all the lemons. Although he _does_ have _some_ experience in the gay sex area, he doesn't like to write about it. Psh, bi guys; their all ukes at heart!

AN: I'd delete her more embarrassing comments, but she'd hit me again if I do. She's mean.

AGFN: You make me sound abusive. …I should punish you. And we both agreed that you'd let me comment if I promise not to reveal your _other_ pen name…And speak in proper English. :P Ooooh, I've decided the pairings… Dark/Satoshi, Daisuke/Satoshi/Daisuke, Dark/Satoshi/Daisuke, Dark/Krad, Keiji/Funabashi, Keiji/Everyone

(>- -)> >>>>>>>>>>

The two CEOs took their places in adjacent rooms. Keiji Saga was attended to by a relatively new doctor named Daisuke Niwa, while Satoshi Hiwatari was looked after by a male nurse named Dark Mousey. The secretary with one name observed Keiji to make sure that he didn't cheat, while the manslave was sent to watch over Satoshi for similar behavior.

OoOoOoOoO

When Dr. Niwa entered Saga's room, he beamed a smile at both patient and proctor. The golden blonde did his best to return a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace which made the redheaded doctor back away in horror. The head of Saga Entertainment grinned and immediately insisted that the redhead model for him. Said redhead blushed a color similar to his hair and stuttered something about being too busy. Unfortunately for the doctor, Keiji Saga did not take no for an answer very often and started to form various plots and scenarios to entrap the doctor to his benefit. The first test was announced to be a urine test and Daisuke apprehensively took a plastic cup from a medical cart. When Saga was presented with the cup, he went into the connected bathroom without hesitation and with Krad in tow. He returned soon after with a color changing liquid inside. Dr. Niwa made a revolted and perplexed face at the fluid and looked to Krad for an explanation. The golden blonde merely shook his head and sighed, "It's real… I don't know how, but it's real." Dr. Niwa's eyes widened in astonishment and sent the urine sample to the lab for analysis. An assistant came back promptly with a full chemical readout…

OoOoOoOoO

Satoshi sat on the examining table and stared at Funabashi, both with blank and calm expressions; neither seeming to blink. When Nurse Mousey burst into the room and saw two emotionless faces staring at him, he looked back and forth between the blunette CEO and the manslave. After a few minutes of staring, Dark shrugged the awkward situation off, announced that Satoshi would have to produce a urine sample, and stuck a plastic cup in the CEO's face. The blunette blinked for a few minutes, while Funabashi bit back a smirk. Nurse Mousey's incessant foot-tapping struck Satoshi out of his reverie of the situation. So he glared at the nametag pinned to the nurse's shirt and asked, "Nurse Mousey… You want me to do _what_, exactly?"

Dark just rolled his eyes, stuck the sterile cup in the CEO's hand and pushed him into the bathroom; Funabashi followed. "Just go pee-pee in the cup. Is that too complicated for you, little guy?" Satoshi was about to retort, but the smirking nurse left him in the bathroom; so he just settled for glaring at Funabashi…Who just stared back. Resigning himself to his fate, and mentally cursing rival CEOs and stupid modern medicine, he produced a standard-colored urine sample, left the bathroom, and stuck the sealed cup in the nurse's face. Dark reeled back from the sudden disgust, mumbling something about 'creepy bastards," but took the cup nonetheless and sent it to the lab. Within minutes, the lab results came back.

OoOoOoOoO

Daisuke POV

Oh my god… This guy is insane. And he's rich and famous… Keiji Saga, I thought he'd be taller. Is he gay and hitting on me or is he just flamboyant and overly friendly? He's probably gay since I remember him from one of Dark's magazines… He claims to be Keiji Saga, but I doubt that the CEO of a company would model in its own magazine. Not that I own a subscription, Dark does. And I just sometimes accidentally read it while I'm at his apartment. …Yeah. And what was with his urine sample? It changes colors! Eh? Why are they staring at me? I hate it when people stare at me! The stupid capillaries in my stupid face are too stupid close to the stupid surface of my stupid skin! That means I blush really easily, stupid! Gah, they're still staring and I'm still blushing! And that guy with the blonde hair is scary looking. He wears more white than I do, and I'm a doctor. Oh, right, the urine sample results… "Well, Mr. Saga…" If that _is_ your real name… "Your test results show that you have more drugs and chemicals in your urine than urine… We've found traces of depressants, stimulants, narcotics, and hallucinogens, as well as medical class antidepressants, relaxants, tranquilizers, steroids, and pain killers. With the level you are on, it is a wonder, or a miracle, you are alive. As these records are private, you have no fear of being arrested, but as a medical professional, please, lay off the drugs!" He's just grinning at me… Did he hear a word I said? Is he stoned now?

OoOoOoOoO

Keiji POV

Aww! He's so damn cute! Worrying about me… And the way he blushes! He's a perfect model! With his red hair, he'd be perfect with Satoshi! Oh, that would be so cute. Now, I just have to get Satoshi drunk again. The doctor won't be much of a problem, he's too innocent to realize how much alcohol he'll drink and he doesn't look like he has much tolerance. Satoshi is the real problem. After the last two times, he's very cautious about drinking with me. On the plus side, the issues with him in it were the two highest selling issues ever! Oh, they were good issues. But I think my next issue will top all other issues… Oh, the possibilities! I should respond to him. "You're so cute! You _will_ model for me!" Oops. I guess that wasn't the right response. Krad and the doctor are looking at me like I have a third head. I know the normal saying is a second head, but all guys have two heads from birth. You know what I mean. Oh… He told me to put on the hospital gown… Fine, I'll give him a show! Aww, isn't that cute, he turned redder than his hair!

OoOoOoOoO

Dark POV

Damn little, smug, creepy, sexy, prick of a bastard. He thinks he's sexier than I am! And he stuck his cup of piss in my face. I should teach him a lesson. I'll teach him that no one is sexier than I am and that anyone who even _dares_ to approach me will be seriously burned! It's just like that guy with the wax wings that got to close to the sun and his wings melted. I'm the sun and he's the prick with the wax wings. He looks familiar somehow… I've seen him before. But where…? Still, he is pretty sexy though, not at my level though, but still pretty sexy. Oh, and I need to take revenge for shoving his urine sample in my face… The blood test in the perfect opportunity. But that comes later… He will feel my wrath! Oh, damn, I need to give my report on his urine. "Well, Mr. Creepy, your urine is normal. No drugs, and no problems that can be seen in your urine." He just nodded… His indifference is really starting to annoy me. I'll give him this… "And now…Strip naked and put on this hospital gown." Hah! That set him off balance! Finally! A shred of emotion, besides annoyance, on his face! Hey! He took it into the bathroom! He was supposed to strip in front of me! Grr… He's just sitting there, looking all smug. We'll see who's so smug at the prostate exam!

OoOoOoOoO

Since their rooms weren't joined, an assistant kept running to the lab and between the adjacent accommodations. The assistant was the neutral party and would declare who was the winner. She relayed the message of Satoshi's victory to both rooms. When Keiji heard of the news, there was a dismayed cry of anguish from a certain blonde that said that he should have won because his urine was prettier. She also relayed to both parties what the remaining tests would be; a body examination, a stress test, a mental health test, a blood test, a testicular exam, and the dreaded prostate exam, which elicited an annoyed sigh from Satoshi, a Cheshire grin from Dark, a whoop and holler from Keiji, a new level of blush from Daisuke, an irritated grunt from Krad, and a smirk from Funabashi.

OoOoOoOoO

A Dark Day for Satoshi

Dark put on his gloves with dramatic snaps and let his grin widen. "Hey, as much as I like calling you various forms of creepy, do you have a name? Oh, and by the way, any latex allergies? It doesn't matter, these are polyurethane gloves anyway."

"The name is…Hikari Satoshi. No latex allergies."

Dark made and interested sound and thought about the name for a bit. He put on his stethoscope and put the disk on various parts of Satoshi's back and asked him to deeply breathe in and out. The CEO complied and even anticipated the next procedure, holding out his left arm to have his blood pressure taken. "Wow, you got a weak heart kid. Now, take off the gown and lay on the table, that's right, nude."

Satoshi growled in protest. _Is this really worth Saga Advertising? I could get a lesser company to advertise the product for a hell of a lot less trouble… But the Board specifically told me to get Saga. I hate them, I own the company. Why do I have to follow orders at all? I am majority shareholder…_ Resigning himself to the humiliation, he took off his gown and laid on the rather cold examination table. "You are a narcissistic, demented, sadistic pervert."

The violet-haired nurse 'Tsked and waved a finger above the CEO's face. "You forgot to include sexy. I'm actually qualified to be a doctor, but the title of Nurse, makes anyone sexier. So, I'm above just sexy, I'm even too sexy for Right Said Fred's song (The maker of 'I'm Too Sexy'). But yes, I am a bit of a pervert. And you said you are a Hikari? Are you one of those famous artists? I thought they were all dead."

"My, aren't you the arrogant one. Yes, I am one of the famous Hikari; the last one to be exact. What is it to you? And can we just hurry up? I'm naked and rather cold, not to mention my dignity is lying in my pants."

Dark was debating whether to smirk or frown, but decided on the former. As he started talking, his hands roamed over Satoshi, poking and prodding various places. (This is really a part of a physical.) "I'm a great fan of the Hikari's work, in fact I own several pieces."

The CEO scoffed, "The Hikari works are very expensive, how would a nurse be able to afford such things? They must be replicas." The nurse started to poke his kidneys, eliciting giggles from the patient, "If you touch me unnecessarily, I will cut off your hands and strangle you with them."

"Well, I'm sorry, but this_ is_ a part of the examination. And no, they are not replicas, they are authentic, but are family heirlooms. Have you made any works of art?" Dark started to examine Satoshi's feet, forcing another fit of laughter, "And it's not my fault you're ticklish." Dark started to trace his way up Satoshi's legs, bending and flexing them for any abnormalities. From the physical contact, the blunette couldn't help to be a bit flustered. Thoughts of his step-father with a highly overweight and hairy guy dressed in leather with gerbils kept him from showing excitement, but this thought was a double-edge and made the poor CEO feel sick.

Before he realized it, the exam was over, and Dark mumbled something about impotence and denial. Immediately, Satoshi put his gown back on to keep the little dignity it offered. "Now, what is a stress test? And what do I have to do?"

"A stress test is where we put a bunch of nodes on you and make you run on a hamster wheel thingy for humans for a bit to monitor your heart. But don't you want to hear your results?" The blunette nodded, silently. "You barely have enough body fat to live, your muscles are developed, but you need to gain more body fat. Three percent is barely enough. Professional athletes have more than you. Your organs, muscles, and bones are fine from what we can tell without any form of blood work or invasive surgery or x-rays. However, your blood pressure is very low. And it's my medical opinion that you suffer from impotence due to your low blood pressure."

Satoshi gnashed his teeth and stared down the violet-haired medical professional. "And what exactly makes you think I have erectile dysfunction?"

The nurse sighed and shook his head, "You were naked in front of the sexiest person alive, while he was touching you all over. Not even the most conservative, straightest, homophobic guy in Texas could resist _me_. So, it is logical that you: have a fake penis, are an alien, or have impotence because of your low blood pressure."

The blunette found Dark's narcissism to be rather funny, so he decided to bait the moron. "You're okay-looking, I guess. I wouldn't call you sexy, but you're not that offensive to the eyes. Now, where is stress testing area? Oh, and that 'hamster wheel thingy for humans' is called a treadmill."

Dark bristled from the insults and only responded by dragging Satoshi by the wrist toward the hall. The CEO barely had enough time to grab his boxers from the table and slip them on before being pulled outside to a large room with a treadmill. "You'll regret what you said, sooner or later." Without another word, Dark put the nodes on Satoshi and pointed to the treadmill, signaling for him to start.

For a fleeting moment, Satoshi wondered if he actually hurt the nurse's feelings. However, those thoughts were destroyed once he started to run on a treadmill in uphill mode in which the speed was controlled by a pissed off nurse. After no more than five minutes, Satoshi was let off the treadmill, drenched in sweat and looking as if about to collapse. He actually did, but coincidentally, a certain nurse was there to catch him and drag him back to the room. When the blunette came to his senses, Dark was smiling down at him with a glass of water in his hand. Satoshi sat up, snatched the glass, and drank the water all in one fluid movement. "You are a sadistic asshole and will be hearing from my attorneys. Your beside manner is atrocious and you nearly killed me, I can have you fired."

Dark just stuck his tongue out and replied matter-of-factly, "What attorneys? And the point of a stress test is to drive a body to its breaking point to see how well it responds. And my attitude doesn't interfere in what I do. And besides, Mr. Creepy, I was monitoring your vitals while you were running, so you were in no danger. Respond to that, bitch."

The CEO bristled at the nurses attitude, "It is Mr. Hiwatari to you. I have some of the best lawyers in the world. I also make generous donations to this hospital as well as many other specific people, so my pull in your work place and in general politics is quite strong. Your arrogance and my refusal to submit to your narcissism have led me to believe that you are treating me in this excessively harsh manner out of spite. So if you value your job or any job at all, I suggest you not push me any further." By the end of his rather calm rant, he had started to feel dizzy.

The violet-haired nurse stared down at his patient and was processing the new information. "You are a Hiwatari…? You own that huge multinational corporation? No way in hell! And even if you are, don't expect me to go kissing your ass from now on! You are currently naked and under my power, and I have a camera in my pocket, so unless you want me to blackmail you with embarrassing pics, shut the hell up."

Satoshi smirked, "What? You think nude pictures of me are something new? I've been in Keiji an—" The blunette bit his tongue in an attempt to erase what he just said. He let two things slip, his adopted name and some embarrassing memories. Satoshi swore that he'd never drink with Saga ever again.

- - - - -

Flashback

Keiji Saga swung his hand in the air after four hours of hammering out small details of a new contract between Hiwatari International Electronics and Saga Entertainment. "Let's go celebrate at a bar! Don't bother answering, you're coming whether you want to or not." Satoshi was about to protest, but found himself being pulled by a rabid next to his violent blonde secretary. "Same bar as last tme!"

Satoshi lost himself in thought as he was forcefully thrown into the back of a limo and barely registered an impact of another person into him, most likely his secretary. He remembered the fateful day he first went drinking with the hyperactive, flamingly gay blonde. It was their first major business deal, something about a satellite, and Satoshi had foolishly indulged the blonde of his own free will in a drinking contest. Satoshi won, but at a dire price. When he woke up in the morning, there was a scandalous picture of him and Keiji in the newspaper. Not many people knew of Satoshi Hiwatari, the cutthroat electronics whiz of the business world, but everyone knew of Keiji Saga, the typical flamboyant rich guy. So, since very few people even know that Kei Hiwatari had an adopted son, let alone died and passed the company on to said son, and since very few people who actually meet or see Satoshi know that he is the billionaire of HIE, the newspapers and tabloids thought that he was just some piece of tail Keiji picked up or even his newest love interest. Needless to say, this did not please Satoshi. Using his connections, he managed to buy up various media sources, forming a little known conglomerate, known as International Hiwatari Incorporated, or IHI. With this new power, he managed to quell the scandal quite quickly, much to his relief and Saga's displeasure.

By the time they reached the bar/night club/strip club, Satoshi had sworn to never drink again, at least not in a contest form. So, by his third Scotch, he decided that he should quit. Unfortunately, this was not a part of Saga's plan. After some prodding, Satoshi had drunk a few more glasses of vodka. After the vodka, the blunette drank freely and was soon drunk and open to suggestions. Krad had left after Satoshi's second glass of vodka, leaving the poor CEO subject to Saga's whims. After Keiji was sure that Satoshi's inhibition was completely gone, he took him back to Saga Studios. There, after hours, he posed nude. Not just nude. He posed nude with one Keiji Saga, someone who posed frequently for his own magazine. When he woke up, there was a copy of the Saga Entertainment's "Keiji and Friends," a gay pornographic magazine.

Once again, the antics of his supposed friend in life and business had made a great mess for him to clean up. He tried the typical media control, but this time it was much more difficult, especially with Keiji encouraging the rumor. Plus, people were more interested in finding out who is this blue-haired mystery person than they were last time. In the magazine, Keiji calls himself Sexy CEO, but called Satoshi, CEO Sexy. Keiji was smart enough to know that Satoshi had enough power and street smarts to have him killed, or at lest seriously injured; not to mention that Krad could act as an attack dog, if paid enough.

After a few weeks of staying shut in his mansion, the ruckus about "the blue-haired bishounen," as the media dubbed him, finally died down; and Satoshi was once again allowed to walk in the daylight. He also found that people were stupid, and only recognized him without his glasses. He used to scoff at how idiotic people were in American Superhero comics, but somehow found it comforting that as long as he didn't remove his weak glasses, he wouldn't be recognized.

End Flashback

- - - - -

Dark shot an eyebrow up and smirked. "You were in what? Keiji an…? Were you about to say 'Keiji and Friends'?" Dark grinned maniacally and pointed his right index finger at Satoshi. "Ah ha! You were the Cerulean Sexpot! You were Sexy CEO! You're Keiji Saga's love interest! How funny! And to think, you're also a part of one of the largest electronics company in the world! Oh, this is great blackmail material!"

Satoshi growled in a feral manner and shot Dark a glare that matched his grin in strength. "One, I was not Sexy CEO, I was CEO Sexy. Two, Keiji is just a business partner that likes to torment me. Three, it is not funny. Four, tell anyone who I really am and you can be sure you won't live to gloat long. And five, what the hell are you doing reading a gay magazine? The only people who know of Keiji Saga are those who actively know him, yaoi fangirls, or the gay community."

The violet-haired nurse put down his finger and sauntered to the other end of the room to sit on his wheeled-stool. He calmly picked up a clipboard and a pen and happily announced, "Test time!" Satoshi glared at Nurse Mousey as if he could set him on fire. "If you want to pass this test, Mr. Hiwatari Bitch, I suggest that you answer these questions honestly and correctly. There are five questions. Question one, who is the sexiest person alive?"

Satoshi hated to indulge this purple-haired idiot in his narcissistic fantasies, but he really didn't want to model for Keiji again, and he was questioning if he really could win with this idiot as his doctor. He sighed and shook his head, "You are."

Dark grinned in victory and scribbled on his pad, "Question two, given the choice between a million dollars and a small kiss from me, which do you choose?"

Satoshi growled and thought that he'd pay to have Dark NOT kiss him. Unfortunately, he was still worried about the tests. "The kiss."

The nurse nodded in agreement and wrote again, "Question three, what would you give up to get into my pants?"

Satoshi rolled his eyes and was about to make a quip about the nurse being fat and the pants probably being too big for him, but decided against it for fear of failing. This question was harder than the others because it had an infinite number of choices. The narcissistic bimbo wanted a good answer… "I'll give you every thing I have to get into you pants." He mentally added that he didn't need to because he was skinnier than the nurse.

Dark smirked and stood up. He casually walked over to the blunette and brushed his lips across his patients ear, sending sparks through the smaller man. "You passed." And in one movement, Dark was smirking at the flushed face of the CEO from the opposite wall.

The blunette tried to swear, but found that he didn't have the ability to, at the moment. He cursed hormones and regained his composure, also crossing his legs, causing Dark to grin. "Can we just hurry up? I'm rather busy. The blood test is next, right?"

Dark only grinned more, "The blood test is now. I stuck the tourniquet on your arm, and the needle in your arm, while you were busy fantasizing about being my bitch. How was it?"

The CEO bit back a retort as a feeling of lightheadedness took hold of him. He glanced down at a tube sticking out of his arm, feeding a bottle of his blood. When it was full, Dark gently removed the needle and replaced it with a cotton ball and tape. The nurse handed the bottle of blood to the assistant outside who was also waiting for Keiji's blood. Coming out of his low blood pressure induced stupor, Satoshi glanced at his proctor, Funabashi, and found amusement in that he was asleep. "Hey, _Miss_ Mousey, how long has that guy been sleeping?"

If Dark wasn't in uniform, he would have punched the CEO at that moment. "You dare to question Dark Mousey's manliness? You'll regret that, just wait till I'm off duty!" In a single movement of grace, Dark pulled the blunette up by the shoulders into a standing position and firmly grasped the slighter man by the testicles. "Turn your head and cough."

Satoshi was speechless and only let a small squeak escape. The grip wasn't crushing, but still firm and rather uncomfortable. Satoshi obliged and turned his head to cough. Once that was done, Dark's grip loosened but didn't leave. He carefully examined each testicle, drawing the process out as long as possible. Satoshi responded to the direct stimulation, involuntarily. By the time the exam was complete, Dark could see Satoshi in his glory through the paper gown. "Bastard, you drew it out on purpose."

The nurse feigned innocence, "Drew what out? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I turned you on so much. …Now, bend-" A loud, 'Ohhhh yeeeaaaahhh! Deeper! Deeper!' and a shrill cry of embarrassment was heard on the entire floor and Satoshi hung his head in embarrassment from being connected to such a moron. The yell triggered a dawning in the blunette, the final test was here. "Uh, yeah… As I was saying, bend over and let's get the party started." Dark wriggled his eyebrows suggestively and pulled out a large tub of medical lubricant off a shelf. "Hey, you, sleeping guy, wait outside unless you want to be my next victim!" Funabashi opened his eyes and dragged himself outside, leaving Satoshi void of any witnesses. "Just get up on the examination table on your knees and elbows. And try to relax."

Dark smeared a dollop of lubricant at the CEO's entrance. He massaged the tight button to get it to loosen and slowly dipped one finger in, earning a sudden gasp and moan from Satoshi. The young CEO didn't want to admit it, but this felt damn good. He expected the nurse to make it as painful as possible. But soon, all logical thought escaped him as Dark 'checked' his prostate. The violet-haired nurse carefully applied a bit of pressure while simultaneously adding a second finger. Although he already carefully checked Satoshi's prostate, he didn't have to tell _him_ that… So Dark enjoyed making CEO Sexy writhe and stifle moans on all fours. Satoshi bit his lip and struggled to not give the arrogant nurse the pleasure of making him cum, but Dark pulled his fingers out as he felt the first signs of orgasm; leaving the CEO dripping, but unfulfilled.

Satoshi snarled from hormones, the situation, and the nurse's audacity. "What took you so goddamn long?" He jumped off the table, and started throwing his clothes on in a mad dash to keep what little of his dignity survived. Droplets of a white, semi-clear, substance dotted his boxers; but his other clothes remained clean. "I'll sue you for malpractice and make sure you're a bum on the streets. Where do you get off—"

"What do you mean where do _I_ get off? From the looks of your face and underwear, _I'm_ not the one that _got off_." Dark smirked as the CEO threw a glare at him, fixed his workman's noose, and shrugged on the rest of his clothes without a witty comeback. "And no one can find me guilty, I'm too sexy. I'll just seduce the entire jury."

Satoshi flipped Dark off and stormed out of the room, taking Dark's clipboard to show it to the impartial aide. Outside he found a blood red-faced doctor, a disgruntled secretary hiding a scalpel behind his back, Keiji using Funabashi as a counter, and the aide known as Marii Suu. Dark had disappeared. He handed clipboard to the nurse and awaited the reading. Sitting down on a free chair he winced slightly, earning a slight smirk from Krad.

OoOoOoOoO

The Nightmare Before Daisuke

The doctor nearly fainted from Keiji's little strip tease. It wasn't that he was attracted to Mr. Saga, it was just that he's never been to a strip club and seeing someone act that provocative, and not be named Dark, was just a little too much for him. Keiji stood in all of his glory, but Daisuke turned away to avoid looking at him. "M-Mister Saga! Your gown is backwards, please reverse it!" Keiji did so and Daisuke quickly checked his breathing and took his pulse and blood pressure. "Mr. Saga, p-please take off your gown and l-lie on the table." He then snapped on a polyurethane set of gloves.

Keiji grinned, "It's Keiji to you! Or Mr. Saga. Or even Lord Saga. Nah, just stick with Keiji, yeah." He then unceremoniously tore off his gown, full-monty-style and laid down. As Daisuke took various measurements and checked Keiji's body, while having his eyes avoid certain anatomy, Keiji did not hide his pleasure from the situation; he couldn't even if he wanted to. He casually moaned, not because he felt that good, but just to see the doctor turn as red as his hair. "Hey, how much is a Happy Ending?"

Daisuke was just about finished but turned his attention from checking the CEO to listen. "A happy ending? I hope you live happily ever after, but I don't know how I can help you there."

Keiji thought for a minute, grinned, and pulled the doctor down to face level. He whispered what a Happy Ending is, in relation to a massage, and the doctor pulled away with a yelp, his nose dripping with blood. After a few minutes in the bathroom, the doctor emerged with a wad of tissue stuck up his left nostril. Krad rolled his eyes and announced that he'll be waiting outside. He grabbed Dr. Niwa by the shoulder and whispered a warning. "Do not let him cheat. Understand?" The redhead nodded out of fear and Krad walked out.

After the door had slammed shut, Keiji grinned to Daisuke; making the doctor realize that he was alone is a room with a pervert. "Wait! Mr. Krad! Don't leave me alone in here with him!" As the doctor flung the door wide open, he found that Krad was already halfway down the hall, asking a nurse where the cafeteria is. Daisuke sighed, closed the door again, and asked Keiji to put his gown back on. "So, Mr. Sa-- Uh, Keiji, are you really THE Keiji Saga? I've seen you in, well, one of your magazines. Why would you model in your own magazine?"

Keiji smiled and waved his finger as he was putting on a new gown with one hand. "Naughty, naughty. You're much too innocent to be reading gay porno, aren't you?"

The doctor flushed crimson, more red than his hair, and stuttered. "N-no! I m-meant that I s-saw you in a c-clothing catalog! I wasn't even aware you m-made gay pornography!" Daisuke flung the door open, "Th-This way, Mr. Sa-Saga. The stress test is next!" Daisuke sprinted down the corridor, Keiji half-chasing him.

Dr. Niwa quickly strapped on the nodes for the stress test and set Keiji jogging. He slumped in a nearby chair and was startled when he smelled flowers. He opened his eyes to find gold pupils staring down at him. Krad frowned. Daisuke started to sweat and straightened up. Krad offered a cup of tea to the doctor, who happily sipped it. "How much longer is this going to take? I cannot stand Keiji Saga's company, in both the entertainment sense and the proximity sense."

Daisuke relaxed a bit, sensing no danger from the blonde. And since there was no poison in the tea, the doctor thought he just looks scary. "Uh, yeah. He's as perverted as Dark. Oh! What a coincidence! His name is your name backwards! I didn't even realize that until now." When the blonde didn't respond, Daisuke just settled into a somewhat uncomfortable silence. …Until Krad switched the treadmill speed higher, making Keiji sprint to avoid getting thrown off. "Hey! You can't do… Aww, never mind. He looks like he's having fun."

After Keiji reached his limit, he was allowed to come off the treadmill. "Mr… Um, Keiji. The stress test showed that you are in excellent physical health, despite all of your recreational drugs… And the body examination showed that you have roughly a 13 body fat percentage, almost perfect. Follow me back to the room and I'll draw some blood."

Krad seemed to disappear from the room just before the doctor left, followed by Keiji. He only reappeared once Keiji was seated with his arm outstretched with a rubber tourniquet. He scared the doctor, possibly on purpose, and made him suddenly jab the hollow needle into Keiji's arm. "Ow! Damnit! Be more gentle. I'm sensitive you know. And I can't have scars marring my delicate flesh or the viewers won't want to see me!"

Daisuke muttered an apology and took the necessary amount of blood and handing the vial to the assistant. "Mr. Krad, how do you…Disappear and reappear like that? …Mr. Krad?" Daisuke turned around only to find that the golden blonde was no where to be seen in the room. "Keiji, how does he do that?"

The CEO shrugged and fingered the tape on his arm. "He's Satoshi's secretary. And don't call him Mr. Krad. He's like Cher or Madonna, no last name."

"Riiiiight. Now, the mental health test. There are no strict guidelines, and it can be handled many ways. I like the inkblot tests." The doctor held up a blotch of ink shaped nearly exactly like a butterfly.

"That is me with my butt in the air, straddling a tub of iced cream."

Daisuke looked at the inkblot, then looked at Keiji, then looked at the inkblot, and looked at Keiji one last time. Cheerfully, he threw the cards over his shoulder into the trash. "That's enough, good work!" Keiji grinned and made a peace sign with his right hand; then he stood up and stuck his gown covered-crotch right near the doctor face. "Uh, Keiji, what are you doing?" The redhead only got a wide grin. Said redhead turned redder than his hair and carefully reached under Keiji's gown and started examining the Saga Family Jewels.

Keiji was immensely enjoying himself and started to buck his hips, just to get another blush. However, it was over all too soon, for him anyway, and the doctor went to record the results. "So doc, missionary position or doggy style?"

Daisuke stopped his pen-scratching mid-word and turned to eye the CEO guardedly. "E-excuse me? W-what is missionary position or doggy style? Wait, I don't think I want to know… Just lay on your hands and knees on the table."

"Doggy style it is then!" Daisuke sighed and finished his analysis. Then he got some medical lubricant and took his position behind Keiji. "I'm not usually uke, but I'll make an exception for you." Daisuke cringed and turned the reddest yet. He's read some of Dark's fanfiction. Not because he wanted to, no… It's because he was a better speller than Dark, yeah… And without a response, Daisuke inserted one finger into Keiji's opening/exit. "Oh yeeeaaaahhh! Deeper! Deeper!"

Needless to say, this sudden outburst scared the poor doctor half to death. So you cannot blame him for screaming, jerking backwards, tripping over his own feet, falling on his butt, and hitting his head on a chair. "Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow." When he opened his eyes, he saw that Keiji was still on his hands and knees, but his butt had turned into a black hole, sucking in furniture and medical tools and even parts of the room itself. Daisuke desperately tried to get away, but the force of the wind and gravity was too strong and he ended up in an endless dark void, floating in space. He then felt someone shaking him; at this point, he realized that he was not floating in an endless void that was Keiji's ass, but rather still in the hospital, having just hit his head and blacked out for a few seconds. "Oi, you scared me. Please, just go back to the table."

Keiji did as he was told, feeling a bit bad for making the doctor hurt himself. Not knowing what to say, he just settled for just letting the doctor do his job without suffering mental scars. When it was over, and Keiji was dressed again, he could only conjure one word. "Sorry."

Daisuke sighed and shook him off, "It's okay. It wasn't really your fault. Well, it was, but I don't blame you. Well, I do, but you've already been forgiven. No harm done. Now let's just compare results." Daisuke held the door open for his patient and followed him outside to an awaiting secretary, aide, and assistant.

Keiji sat down on a bench and winced slightly, standing up and opting to use his assistant as a support pole. Krad smirked evilly at this, enjoying Keiji's pain far too much for sanity, and hid his latest toy, a stolen medical scalpel, in his folded arms. Daisuke slumped against a wall and heavily blushed when Keiji pointed to him and whispered something to Funabashi.

Soon Satoshi came out of the room alone, Dark seeming to have disappeared. The aide took his clipboard as well and cleared her throat.

OoOoOoOoO

Marii Suu smiled and read the scores in a high, whiny, and earsplitting voice. "Mr. Hikari won the urine test, since he had no drugs in his. Mr. Saga won the body examination, since it seems that Mr. Hikari has low blood pressure and almost no body fat. Again, Mr. Saga won the stress test, simply because he is somewhat healthier than Mr. Hikari. However, Mr. Hikari won the mental health test; I won't elaborate. Mr. Hikari also won the blood test, since he is free from many drugs. However, Mr. Hikari lost the testicular exam. Not because he has anything wrong with him, but because they are slightly swollen. Nurse Mousey said, 'Blue hair has blue balls.' And the prostate exams only show that neither of you have prostate cancer. So it seems that the whole contest is tied."

Satoshi gnashed his teeth. _How could I lose? He's physically more healthy than I am! That's ludicrious! Now what are we going to do?_

Keiji set his face in thought and came up with the most Keiji-esque idea available. "Sperm count! Whoever has the highest number of active sperm cells wins! Agreed?"

Marii Suu squealed and jumped up and down. "Like, oh my godz! That would be so hot! Do it, do it, do it!" It was at that moment that two orderlies captured Marii Suu in a straightjacket, uttered small apologies, and hauled her ass back to the psych ward.

Daisuke sighed, disappeared into the room again, and brought out two small plastic tubs. He put one in Keiji's hands and pushed him into the room and did the same with Satoshi. "Please, just hurry up. This is an extreme waste of medical rescources."

OoOoOoOoO

Keiji Doesn't Touch Himself

Keiji POV

What an insult! That cute little redheaded doctor wants me to jerk myself off? Keiji Saga does NOT touch himself. He gets other people to do it for him! "Funabaaashiiiiiii! Come and jerk me off!" I heard someone fall over in the hallway, the redhead probably. Ah there is Funabashi, he's such a good little slave. "Do it. Quickly." That's all I need to say.

I just lay back and let my very _skilled_ assistant take care of me. Since I said quickly, he knows how to get me off the fastest. He runs his skilled up and down my shaft, his own spit as lubricant. He knows I like it dirty. He reaches under my shirt and plays with a pert nipple, bringing me that much closer. His breath runs over my special area, tickling hairs and bringing me to the edge. I think back to all the other occasions like this. They were more romantic, ant all business like this. I wonder what kind of relationship I have with him. We are friends, but more than that. We are boss and employee, but most businesses don't do what he does for me. Are we lovers? That is possible. Shit, I'm getting close. It hasn't even been a few minutes. He knows me way too well. "Shit, get the cup." He has it ready already, damn he's too good. I feel the first tremors of my orgasm ripple through my body and I buck into his hand, my seed pouring into the carefully placed plastic tub. That felt good. I have no time to bask in the afterglow of my orgasm, however, as my assistant tucks my limp member back into my pants, seals the tub and opens the door to give my cum to the redheaded doctor.

I make my way out to wait for my business partner.

OoOoOoOoO

A Helping Hand for Satoshi

Satoshi POV

That redhead is cute. What was his name? Oh well, I just have to get past this. That damn nurse already got me partially off, as much as I hate to admit it. It's a bit pathetic to admit that I'm still a virgin; meaning that I've never penetrated anyone or been penetrated. Well, maybe I can fantasize about that cute doctor. But that nurse is damn hot as well; of course, I'd never tell him that. I pull my dick out of my pants and imagine that redhead in front of me, smiling and embarrassed. I start pumping, imagining that the redheaded doctor is there. Closing my eyes, I can almost feel his breath tickling my ear. He'll whisper, "Having fun, Mr. Creepy?" What the hell? My eyes snap open and find that nurse smiling down at me. I struggle to get away, but the shock of finding him in here has put me at somewhat of a disadvantage. He bound my hands behind my back with medical bandages, or maybe I let him, on a subconscious level. "From the little plastic tub, I see you need a sperm sample. I'll be happy to help you out. But you're my newest catch from now on, got it?" I nod dumbly. Why did I nod? I can think straight right now. I try to push him away, but he grabs my shaft and attacks my mouth with his. He forces his tongue through my lips, and I can taste him. He's good, and I'm coming soon. Why is this good? Why can't I speak?

I gasp and start to shake, Dark grins and bites down on my neck. It feels rather good, actually. He holds the plastic tub for me and milks all that I have. He leaves me slumped in the chair and seems to admire his handy work. He cleans me up, unties me, and makes me looks respectable again. However, I have to raise my collar to hide the bite mark he left. Dark opens the door and gives my seed sample to the redheaded doctor. He disappears down the hall. Keiji smirks at my sweaty and flustered look. I then realize that I made a new mistake. I came out of the room with Dark at the same time.

OoOoOoOoO

It took only a few minutes for the semen samples to be analyzed, due to the mention of 'Keiji Saga,' a notorious patient. Hospitals wanted him out as fast as possible. Daisuke returned to the group, sitting on benches. Keiji was resting his head on Funabashi. Satoshi was cramped on the edge of the seat, and Dark was cuddling next to him; apparently too close for comfort. Krad was just leaning against the wall. Daisuke sighed, it looks like Dark has found a new target. "Ahem, Keiji Saga has the highest sperm count. I don't know how or why. All of his drugs should kill him, but they seem to make him healthier overall, excluding mentally."

Satoshi fell off the bench. Krad had an eyebrow raised and his mouth slightly open. Keiji pushed Funabashi off the bench and made the 'V for Victory,' sign. "Sato, you're modeling for me! Now, let's celebrate!" He pointed to Dark and Daisuke, "You two will take the day off and come celebrate with us."

To be continued. (AN: Hopefully not.)

(>- -)> >>>>>>>>>>

AGFN: Read and review! I'll make the next chapters more lemony. The more reviews we receive, the sooner I'll make him update!

AN: Please do not review.

AGFN: Don't listen! If this story becomes more successful, I'll make him do other fanfics. Oh, but he can't do canon stories. It has to be AU, unless it is a series he likes. If you want to request a yaoi, ask ME! And if I like your idea, I'll make him write it.

AN: I should dump you; you're too abusive and pushy.

AGFN: Who? ME! Whaaaaaaa!


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